please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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