If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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