do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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