I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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