You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
