guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
