You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
