She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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