Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
