just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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