i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
