Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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