I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its not stalking. its research.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
