Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
