I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
