wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
