wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
