I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He shit in the fireplace
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize