Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
