He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
