i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
