Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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