the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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