The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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