So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize