I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
