My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
