Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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