he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
