You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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