These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
