So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we're so committed to being not committed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
