If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
