At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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