God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
