my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
