So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
