next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
