As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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