but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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