We won't sleep together?
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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