so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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