get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
