there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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