Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
