I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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