I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
