i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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