final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
