Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
