whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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