i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize