Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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