She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
