I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize