Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
