He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize