i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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