I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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