I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize