I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Come on in and take your pants off
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