After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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