I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
