I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need moral support for this bender
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize