"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
