Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
