Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
