Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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