So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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