There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When did angry sex become our thing?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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