I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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