I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize